It's not robbery if the person gives you the money willingly!

We'll start with the problems I have with the Wii's Virtual Console.

It's quite simple, actually. It really has nothing to do with the games that they're selling, most of which are fantastic. Hell, my problem isn't really with the Virtual Console at all. My problem is with Nintendo.

That's right. I'm fed up with Nintendo. I must rant! Crosses and holy water won't stop me!

I'll try and break it down for you. Here's my problem with the VC, as it applies to my growing discontent with the house that Mario built:

1. This is Nintendo at its best/worst: they're selling you games that you probably already own for a ridiculous price. "Hey, $5/10/20 isn't bad!" I hear you say, to which I respond "I can play better Flash games for free online". Don't argue with me, because you know I'm right. You're not paying for a game, you're paying for nostalgia!


2. Most of these games require a special controller of some sort, which of course is intentional. What, you don't think that they could make the Wiimote and nunchuck work with these things? Of course they could, but why would they pass up the opportunity to sell you a $20 controller?


3. The Point system used for buying the games. This is retarded. Not only that, it's costing YOU money! It's the classic gift card scam!

Those are my main issues. Nintendo hasn't had an original idea in years. It sells you bottled nostalgia. Is this any different than most video game companies? No. The difference is the style in which they do it. Most other companies try and convince you how damn cool their product is, and by proxy how cool you'll be if you own it. After all, it's widely accepted fact that chicks dig a guy that rocks a chocobo.

Nintendo, on the other hand, gives you a firm handshake while looking you in the eye, convinces you that it's an honest and friendly company, makes friends with you. You invite Nintendo to your home, maybe have dinner and drinks. You share stories, have a laugh or two. Then Nintendo shows you the product...no, doesn't "show" it, that's for ametuers. Nintendo uses all the knowledge that it's gained of you through the course of dinner to press all your buttons, and at the time you think "Damn, that looks pretty slick!" But at this point you're a little tipsy, and maybe wondering if buying said product will increase your chances of having this date end Happy. You buy it, and are completely satisfied with said purchase.

Oh, Nintendo almost forgot. This game you're buying, it needs this special controller. It's sorry about this, it truly is. But that's okay! Nintendo's honest, and if it says you need it, then by golly, it's probably right!

Nintendo takes its leave, and you're sorry to see it go. But hey, at least you have this shiny new game! And it was even reasonably priced, considering the prices that next-gen games are going for nowadays! You fire up the system and slap that puppy in. Nostalgia washes over you as familiar theme music floats through your living room. You are content.

It's not until the next morning that you realize that you've played this game before ten years ago, and five years ago, and last month. And the silverware's gone. And you have syphilis.

I didn't used to be this bitter. 'Nam changed me.