Movies!

Waiting breathlessly at work for documents to come trickling in late, so it's time to alleviate boredom by blogging!

I figure I might as well share some of my favorite movies, because I can't think of a better topic off of the top of my head.

These are in no particular order, mind, nor is this list complete. I'm just pulling titles off the top of my head.

Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle
I simply cannot explain to you why I find this movie as hilarious as I do, but suffice it to say that I it's one of the funniest movies I've ever seen. I laughed so hard I cried the first time I saw it. And no, I wasn't high at the time.

The basic premise of this movie is that Harold (a hard-working, straight-laced individual) and Kumar (a genius with responsibility issues) get stoned and set off on a quest to White Castle after seeing a seductive television commercial. Hijinks ensue.

The Empire Strikes Back
I'm a huge Star Wars nerd, as everyone knows, but Episode V is the best of the batch. How many movies have you seen where the good-guys lose? Not bloody many. It's also ironic that the best Star Wars movie is the only one not directed by Papa George.

Basic premise: Darth Vader is super pissed about getting his ass kicked in Episode IV, and is haul-assing about the galaxy looking for the Rebel Alliance. He finds them, and spends the next two hours kicking them around.

And if you're going to complain to me about spoilers, don't bother. The movie's been a cultural Force (har har, I'm so clever) for almost 30 years now. If you haven't seen it, that's your misfortune!

Casablanca
Surprised? I was too, to be honest.

This old classic is a bit difficult to explain, but let's see if I can summarize. Victor Laszlow, a famous freedom fighter during the second World War, comes to Casablanca in order to book passage to America. However, the Nazis are on his trail, and have closed the town up tight. The only person who has the necessary paperwork to escape such a trap is Rick Blaine (Humphrey Bogart), who admires and respects Laszlow, but will not give him the papers because Victor is the husband of his old flame, Ilsa Lund (Ingrid Bergman), whom he is still madly in love with. Drama ensues.

I love it for its quick, witty dialogue, solid characters, and excellent acting. It's by turns funny, serious, and sad. It's also resonsible for a slew of memorable quotes which you have probably heard over the years, such as "Here's lookin' at you, kid."

Kingdom of Heaven: Director's Cut
Forget the theatrical release. It was crap. They cut large swatches out of it, making it a mess.

Once you add in those parts they cut, it suddenly becomes a fantastic movie. Of course, I'm a whore for all things Crusades related.

Basic premise: Balian (Orlando Bloom), a French blacksmith, finds out that he's the son of the baron of Ivelyn in Jerusalem. He travels to the Holy Land, and immediately becomes embroiled in a battle to prevent another war.

A rad movie, which definitely changed my opinion of Mr. Bloom's acting talent for the better.

Casino Royale
Now, what you have to understand is this: I'm not a Bond fan. In fact, previous to this movie, Bond kind of pissed me off. I didn't understand the appeal of a sexist prick running around spewing out ridiculous one-liners after killing bad-guys in improbable ways. It just wasn't for me.

Casino Royale, however, broke from that formula sufficiently enough to make me enjoy it, and Daniel Craig's Bond is a stone-cold badass.

The Bourne Trilogy
Jason Bourne, however, could kick Bond's ass, no question. I mean, he kills people with newspapers for fucksake!

I had this exact conversation regarding this film:

*Walking into the theater with friends*
CANARY: Matt Damon? Really? Matt Damon can't kick ass!
*Leaving the theater*
CANARY: Matt Damon kicks ass!

Honorable Mention
The Last Dragon
A movie so bad, it's good. A young martial-artist tries to find the secret of "the Glow" on the mean streets of New York while battling evil arcade moguls, wooing a television star, and facing off against his arch-nemesis, the dread Shogun of Harlem. This movie truly has to be seen to be believed.

That's all for now. Peace!